Love
by Lady Arrogance
Summary: “Love is the crappiest thing on earth! For five minutes of happiness you get five months of pain and woe, so, please spare me.” [COMPLETE]


** Author:** Lady Arrogance

**Title:** Love...

**Parts:** 1

**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Summary:** "Love is the crappiest thing on earth! For five minutes of happiness you get five months of pain and woe, so, please spare me."

**Dedication:** This story is dedicated to both of the people who where the real-life versions of this story.

**Beta:** The lovely acciodraco who taught me a lot things about the English grammar ♥

* * *

**Love...**

For Harry Potter, the end of school was near. Most exams were over and most of the students were busy preparing for their lives after leaving Hogwarts. The seventh-years were making a book about their time together which would contain a passage about every student, as well as some anecdotes and such. To make it more interesting, they had been assigned random partners to get to know and write about. And so it came that Harry sat down with Draco on one of the tribunes of the Quidditch pitch to talk.

At first, Harry and Draco had problems talking to each other, but quickly they realised that it was much easier talking to a 'stranger' than to their own friends about their life. They listened to each other and it didn't matter if one of them thought that the other was stupid because they didn't have any expectations to fulfil.

During their first three meetings, they talked openly and honestly about the school, students, teachers, and a bit about their families. Today the topic was 'love'.

"Tell me something about your love life, Potter," Draco demanded, and Harry laughed scornfully.

"Love is the crappiest thing on earth! For five minutes of happiness you get five months of pain and woe, so, please spare me."

Draco looked at him in surprise "Do you really think so?"

Harry nodded and shrugged his shoulders. "First you make yourself an idiot, to impress someone, second you change your life completely for them and in the end, either your will be left being fooled and with a broken heart or the person annoys you so much that you hate yourself for being too gentle to leave them..."

"But it can also be good..." Draco interjected. He had been in a relationship with Pansy for about three years. Harry snorted. "Let's be generous and say that one out of ten relationships works fine – which I don't believe, but anyway... That means 10 happiness versus 90 crap – what the hell is that for a proportion!" He shook his head. "No, I don't want to believe in this anymore..."

They sat silent for several minutes. "It's not that I don't long for love, too..." Harry said quiet. "Every now and then I also wish for someone who loves me and is there for me... someone I can trust and I'd love to spend my time with." He paused. "But taking the risk that everything is just a fucking game and I'm the loser in the end, again? No, I don't want, so love should stay far, far away from me!" He ended and threw a little stone, which he put up during his speech, onto the pitch.

Draco silently stared at Harry. It was more than obvious that he had no luck in love this far. He remembered that there was something with a Chinese girl and wasn't there a blonde as well?

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" He asked in a quiet tone "Maybe it would help..."

Harry sighed. He thought about it for a few moments and finally nodded. "If you really want to hear it..."

Draco nodded and looked at him intently. Slowly, Harry calmed down and started to narrate.

"It started in the fourth year. I felt in love with Cho Chang, the seeker from Ravenclaw... This kept on until the fifth year, when we finally kissed after a game. Everything was so new for me. I was terribly in love and thought that I've found the right one. We spent a lot of time together, but I had problems with her friends and had no interest in her smoking and drinking sessions. I guess this was the problem... we drifted apart and there were more and more rumours about her cheating on me. First, I didn't want to believe it and later, I ignored it because I loved her and didn't want to lose her. Love makes us blind, deaf and takes the last bit of dignity you still have."

Harry sighed by the memories of this time and stared a moment into the distance before continuing. "That lasted about two years, in which I wondered, most of the time, why I was doing it, but in the moments she was nice to me, I forgot every doubt and kissed her feet. She used me, lied to me, cheated on me and in the end she had a second relationship with a third year at the same time...

When we separated, she told me immediately that he was much better in bed with his 13 years and that I only was a little comfort because of Cedric's death and that she laughed all the time about me and my credulity... Oh, and she had to mention that she loved to give him blowjobs, something she never did to me. As you can imagine, we separated not in the friendliest of ways and sometimes she even menaced me with her wand when we met alone in the corridors..."

Harry went silent then sighed again. "But I loved her so much and only wanted to be happy with her..." His voice became quieter, again. "In the end I found out that every single rumour about her and the random boys was the truth."

He paused and took a deep breath for continuing in a normal voice. It was visible that he still felt humiliated when he thought about it. "After this I had a few one night stands, just for proving myself that I wasn't the wimp she had called me. Okay, to be honest there were only two and I didn't feel better.

A short time later, I had a chat with Linda Sutton, a girl from Hufflepuff who is in Ginny's class and we ended up in bed. It had started as a bit of fun, but became deadly serious for me – I was in love! It was just perfect... we liked the same things, the sex was great and we could talk openly about everything... BUT..."

Harry looked sadly at Draco. "There always has to be a 'but' doesn't it there?" He nodded and kept talking.

"She didn't love me. She didn't want to have a relationship 'at the moment,' because her last one had just ended. At least, that's what she said. We never kissed each other on the mouth... and the blithering idiot I was, I really believed that she only needed some time for herself and I waited, hoping that she would change her mind, even if Ginny told me more than once that Linda only played with boys.

I was sure that it was different in this case and that we were destined for each other... I really believed it... Until the day she went to Hogsmeade with Colin. I had a strange feeling right from the start and I was right! The next morning she broke to me that she had a relationship with Colin and that she had liked him for month but always thought that she didn't have a chance... so far the statement that it was not because of me...

I was completely down and as if it wasn't bad enough, she even withdrew as a friend because Colin was jealous and didn't want us to have contact... It was perfect for two months and suddenly there was nothing anymore... Maybe you think I'd exaggerate when I say 'perfect' but it was! We understand each other without words… it was almost scary..."

Harry ended his speech. "And since then I swore that I'd never fall for some shit again and isolated myself. I've withdrawn and everybody who tries to come nearer, sooner or later, bumps against my walls... Luna tried a few months ago... we got on with each other very well and one day, she proclaimed her love to me. She said that she'd wait as long as I needed 'til I became 'normal' again. That scared me, because I knew her and knew that she was serious about it. Since then, I couldn't spend any time with her and I'm more than happy that there is this trainee with Hagrid and they're happy together."

Harry took a bottle of water out of his bag, because the talking made him thirsty. He took a few sips and looked over to Draco, to see how he reacted. Draco looked at him thoughtfully. "And now? No love for the rest of your life?"

Harry shrugged. "I have no idea, but usually I think that this isn't the worst alternative... no stress, no fights, no reproaches, no misunderstandings, I don't have to care, no hate..."

"No love, no cuddling, no trust, no sex..." Draco interjected and Harry nodded dejected.

"I know... especially about the sex thing. I think about that when I'm in bed. But I'm so... jaded still that I don't think about 'real' relationships anymore. My fantasies are about pure and animal-like sex. A bit rougher and sometimes I'm even the bottom and will be taken," he added, lightly blushing. "It's not rape or violence," he said quickly. "But it's surprisingly strong and far away from what I've experienced. I don't see any faces but it's someone I know somehow... there is something between us... not literally a relationship, but we belong together – at least in the nights... We are faithful to each other, even if we have nothing to do with each other during the days."

He stopped for a moment. "I can't describe it well..."

Draco looked at him thoughtfully: "I believe, I know what you mean... it's anonymous, but not impersonal, no relationship, but trust and fidelity, so that you can feel safe..."

Harry nodded. "Yeah, that's it... It seems as if I want to minimise the risk of getting hurt again, without losing everything. But sadly that's not possible in reality," he sighed and took another sip of his water. "But enough about me, what's about your love life? There will be a marriage soon. I've heard."

Draco nodded but didn't look very happy. "Seems so..."

"What's the problem then?" Harry wanted to know. "At least you've been together since fourth year."

Again, Draco nodded and swallowed hard. "Promise that you keep everything I tell you a secret?" He begged, and Harry promised, a bit confused.

"I..." Obviously it was very hard for Draco to speak. "You know that my father is in Azkaban..."

Harry nodded, aware of exactly who was responsible for that.

"During our last Christmas holidays, my mother..." Draco stopped again. "I feel so dirty when I have sex with Pansy – I can't keep these images out of my head and..."

"Your mother forced you to have...?" Harry interrupted in shock.

"At least she tried," Draco answered quiet and looked at the ground. "And every time I'm with Pansy, I see her in her white dress, her breasts pushed up through her corset and how she wanted to seduce me and I feel so sick."

Harry had no idea what to say. "That must be terrible," he whispered and Draco nodded. "She's still my mother..." He murmured absently a few times and Harry laid his hand on Draco's arm, taking him back to reality. He shook his head to drive the memories away. "I can't marry Pansy, but as long as I have no reason, the engagement can't be cancelled."

"What could be a reason?" Harry asked.

"No idea... maybe if I were gay..." The tone of Draco's voice made it obvious that he had thought about the possibility a few times and liked the idea.

Harry thought about this for a while and surprised both of them when he asked: "Maybe we should try it?" When he saw Draco's confused look, he nodded. "Yes, we would just be pretending to be together. For me, it doesn't matter and it helps you," he explained.

Slowly, comma Draco's gaze brightened. "You'd do that?" He still couldn't believe it.

"Sure, why not?" Harry shrugged. "I don't want to get any girls, so I don't care what they think about me and, hey, you aren't a bad catch." He grinned and Draco laughed. It was a relieved laugh. "As if you'd need a rich guy..."

They laughed together and it was very liberating having talked about all these things.

"But how will our 'relationship' look? I mean we can't walk through the castle holding hands," Draco noted.

"Nobody would believe it anyway," Harry answered thoughtfully. "We have to act like we always do during the day, then we have to meet secretly so that there will be rumours about us. You have to keep Pansy away from you with stupid excuses so that she'll become suspicious. Some day she'll ask you..."

Draco nodded impressed. "It sounds as if it could work," he said. "So where do we meet?"

Harry had a solution for this as well. "In the Room of Requirement. We put a bed in it, so that we can sleep comfortably and if anyone ever finds us, it's damning enough."

Draco had to admit that Harry had thought about everything. "That sounds perfect. We should start as soon as possible because I haven't much time anymore."

"Ok, so let's meet every night in the 7th floor from tonight on." Harry agreed and described to Draco how he could find the Room of Requirement.

In high spirits, they separated and behaved like they usually did for the rest of the day.

That and the following nights, they met in the 7th floor and slept together in a big four-poster bed after talking a bit. Like Harry had predicted, it didn't take long until the first rumours sprouted.

"I think Pansy is close to asking me," Draco said joyfully while undressing for bed.

"Maybe we'll get a visitor tonight," Harry grinned and let fall his shirt in the middle of the room. Draco laughed and spread his clothes in a trail from the door to the bed.

"You were in a hurry," Draco remarked, pretending to be reprehensive.

"If you turned me on during the whole day..." Harry answered back and crawled into the bed. Draco turned off the light after crawling under the blanket.

Since Harry hadn't wanked for ages and because he wasn't alone at night, he didn't resist fantasising. He sighed and started to stroke himself, while he kept on dreaming.

Strong arms embraced him arrogating from behind and caressing his body.

Suddenly he felt Draco really pressing against him from behind and stroking him demandingly. He could clearly feel the erection on his ass and the kisses on his neck. He moaned low when he heard Draco's husky voice whispering in his ear. "Is this what you dream of?"

"Yes, it is," Harry murmured, and it really was - the claiming hands, the obvious arousal, the trust... and they didn't have a relationship anyway. Even, if the next morning, Harry  
wasn't that sure if, perhaps, there wasn't something like love in his life.

* * *

When they went to Pansy's wedding to Theodore Nott one year later, Harry was sure that he had found the one love, that he had thought was a fairy tale. 


End file.
